It seems like there's a very very small mistake in the code with Z's gender. I don't know, and it's not a big deal, but I figured I'd let you know anyway. Sorry if I'm mistaken.
This was so good! I enjoyed everything about it—the characters, the dialogue, the pacing, everything was very well done. I really enjoyed playing the MC; while they’re (understandably) ignorant of the supernatural world and what’s happening, they’re not flighty or helpless. That balance is difficult to do well and you wrote it beautifully. I also appreciate the many options you give to the players. I’m looking forward to reading what comes next!
loved the update, it was so so amazing :D the Kestrel seems like a mischievous Loki Fae. I'm looking forward to the next update :D take care, stay safe and hydrated, wish you the best for everything <3
I honestly think you could settle for dialog tags/tone indicators rather than symbols, you have too much. I get symbols for flirt and friendly options but adding in even more symbols for tone of voice gets complicated and confusing.
This is really interesting so far and I'm excited to see where it goes!
My only little note is that the section at the end of chapter 3 immediately following "Renard answers you only with a quiet, shuddering breath." has such a long wait in between the text and the next button showing up I thought there was some kind of glitch/the demo had abruptly ended.
For typos and errors, you can either post them here if that's easiest for you, you can join us over at this Discord and post them in the bug-report chat, or you can hop over to Patreon and leave a message there. Thank you for reading and I appreciate you taking the time for this : )
I cannot wait for the next chapter but all-in-all I love the whole story so much, it's fun, it's cool and the banter with the RO's is so amusing xD you did amazing!
I will be updating Chapter 5 as soon as it's finished (we're getting close, I promise). Patreon members (at the second tier I think?) will get it a week early, but I won't make anyone here wait any longer than that.
Such a good story! I looove when the MC is powerful an strong enough to defend themselves, hate when they're just a damsel in distress... Thank you for the great experience, waiting for the next updates! S2
Loving the story but I found an issue. It is possible to get Soft-Locked in the menus if you first go into either the 'Information' or the 'Glossary' tab then immediately go into the other tab. Now when you click 'Return' at the bottom of the screen you will just cycle back and forth between the information and glassary tabs instead of returning to the game.
Huh. Interesting! I'll see if there's a way to fix this.
ETA: So it looks like the return buttons on the bottom will strand you in a loop, but the back arrow at the top of the sidebar still works. You just have to click it multiple times to get you back to start. I'm not sure if there's anyway to make the return function work without borking the code. I'll check it.
I've been updating at a good pace, I think. Chapter 5 is a little less than half done. The last couple weeks haven't been as productive as I'd like because I was on a road trip with my sister for two weeks and just got back just for my internet to get borked.
Assuming my internet gets fixed soonish, I'll have a demo of chapter 5 up on the patreon maybe by the end of the week? We will see.
Dig the new update, it left me wanting more (in a good way). Overall I feel like the story provides enough new info and intrigue to keep me invested without blasting me with too much to keep track of, looking forward to more!
Thank you so much for making this! It's Soo good! 😊 I needed something new to read and the other interaction fictions I've been reading are finished or uncontinued- I love the characters and how I can blend my personality into the YN's
Hey thanks for pointing it out! I'll go double check. Sometimes saves don't like new variables when they're added after the fact, so that might be on my end and sometimes I just frick it up lol
As for the timer, yeah I'll look at it. I've had a couple people tell me already that it was too long.
ETA: I'm not quite sure what's going on with the either of the errors. They both work just fine for me. It's possible that I added that first variable to chapter 2 while working on chapter 3, so your save doesn't know what it's looking at. It's not going to break anything long term, it's just going to give you the bare variable.
As for the "NAN" error... yeah, I don't know lol. It might also be because of your save file (variables just don't like to play nice sometimes). Again, it shouldn't break anything long term (I think it's trying to read a variable I ended up taking out of the game but not out of the info tab).
I'm already extremely invested. Putting this on my list of things to follow :D can't wait to see more. Your writing is wonderfully engaging, snappy and funny, (And some of the formatting impressively cool)
I also want this to be a regular occurance in our relationship with R. No matter what...even if it turns romantic...something will get thrown eventually either because of R's antics or flirting. xD
In fact, R has a personal goal each day to see how many objects he can get MC to throw at him psychically and how quickly said objects get thrown.
And yes...true relationship goals. Now I'm just imagining Carter casually at the dinner table, reading the newspaper while antics occur around him and then a toaster goes flying just past the top of his head. Probably mentally cursing himself for ever introducing R and MC to each other. xD
for some reason carter is very 'hopper from stranger things'-shaped in my mind's eye which becomes a truly hilarious mental image when we learn more about him
also the discord link is expired, how dare you tease us so /j
The pronoun variables dont work in the links. Theres a way to fix it but i noticed it pretty late so i settled for they/them. I'll try to fix it for the next update. Though I do notice one that I missed so I'll fix that too
Loving this!!! (also as Erized said, sad carter ain't a RO but that would've been a lot of DRAMAA LOL (imagine you start seeing romantically the kid you see as your own))
We don't know Zander yet but I bet his kind personality a mask (please please please yes I love those who fake being nice)
Will we choose the gender of the UNKNOWN too?
Will this story have nsfw or it will be just kissing with RO's?
Ah, alas, we'll just have to rely on Carter to be our dad and not our daddy.
Anyway: You'll just have to wait to meet Z lol
You will be able to choose Kestrel's gender, no worries.
I haven't decided quite yet how far things will get intimacy wise. I'd lean toward it being more adult, but at this point I'm not making any promises either way. Odds are this will end up being more of a series of stories so we'll just see how things land
I'm not really sure what other descriptors I'll add for the MC. Probably height at least (if only for the eventual comparison with the LI) and maybe some others.
Just read the second chapter. Not too bad, although I must confess it felt a little bit disjointed/immersion-breaking with the flashback of Carter first meeting the MC just slotted in there (especially as it had no real connection to the scenes before or after). That sort of flashback is much more like something you'd use as the prologue of the story, capturing the readers interest as they're introduced to their MC and left to wonder just who or what their MC really is. just my opinion, tho.
The flashback was mostly meant to shuffle together a lot of different information that would have been clunky to work into actual dialogue: that Carter was formerly part of MAB, that he's retired from them, and his general opinion/disposition toward them even before meeting the MC.
But I see where you're coming from. I'll keep that in mind in the future. Thanks for leaving a comment and reading!
I have a suggestion about how to make it less 'clunky'.
I think a prologue with a younger Carter arriving on the scene (finding MC), making note of some things and reporting, 'we've got another weird one' and maybe using some MAB-related jargon/supernatural terms that clearly indicates he knows his stuff, as well as showing some distaste or coldness (or however he feels about the MAB) when reporting to that lady, actually adds a lot of intrigue right from the start. We wanna know more.
And this intrigue intensifies if, in the first chapter, an older Carter is acting like a run-of-the mill cop indifferent or clueless to the supernatural, different to how we saw him act in the prologue (now the reader think, 'what? is this the same guy?'). Now MC, being sensitive to such things, may be able to tell that something about Carter just doesn't feel right and never has, but can't pinpoint what is it. Maybe it contributes to MC's unwillingness to trust Carter with certain things, or Carters unwillingness to be too friendly with MC. Or maybe MC is torn between this mistrust & the longing to rely on someone, or find familial comfort, and it's just awkward. This goes on up to the reveal in chapter 2, and can cause some interesting moments between them til then.
I don't really see how it would be clunky to work it in to the conversation when Carter & MC are reunited after the shooting indecent at the house, if anything it makes perfect sense as it works with the progression of the story events. It would make even more sense if MC caught a glimpse of the summoned being back at the house but had no idea wtf it was. Carter seems hesitant to explain at first, mentioned that what he shot at wasn't human. It was a summoning. MC asks him what the hell he's talking about, what is a summoning and how the hell does know such things. Carter sighs, then starts speaking in fluent supernatural terms that no run-of-the-mill cop should know. MC just stares/says wtf/etc. Carter says, 'listen kid, there's a lot you don't know... a lot I haven't told you about me, about who I was and who I used to run with. I planned to to tell you earlier but between cases and you trying to wrap your head around your abilities, and how hard it was for you, it seemed a cruel and unnecessary burden to heap on you. I just kept putting it off, y'know. But I guess this is it.' He gives an abbreviated account of the weird circumstances under which he found MC, and how they weren't the first strange finding he had. MC asks how many others, to which he explains he'd been finding them for years, when he worked for the MAB. Then MC can ask him some questions about MAB that he answers. You can give continued indications of how Carter feels about the bureau ('show, don't tell') in how he speaks about them, words he uses, etc. rather than him straight up saying how he feels about them.
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Looking forward to this
Great stuff :D
glad you enjoyed it!
I'm obsessed with Rowan. She can bite me and I won't even complain.
This entire concept is great! Looking forward to more :)
cool stuff so far, but
=======... spoilers?========
i encountered so.e dialogue anout how someone could have done harm while under effects of the wine, even when i chose "no drinky wine" option
==== end spoils====
Thank you
Just finished the chapter.
From brief interaction with Kestrel, gotta say they seem fun :D.
Can't wait for more.
Fresh playthrough started today
Broken variable.
Save:
https://gofile.io/d/DMEKSt
Wrong name
Save:
https://gofile.io/d/aLE9cL
Broken variable
Save:
https://gofile.io/d/mSfJlH
Didn't drink the wine
Save:
https://gofile.io/d/gIdCeG
Then? Wrong word?
Save:
https://gofile.io/d/cauiLu
It seems like there's a very very small mistake in the code with Z's gender. I don't know, and it's not a big deal, but I figured I'd let you know anyway. Sorry if I'm mistaken.
ooh! Thank you for pointing this out! It's the wrong variable altogether which is why it's messing up (it's the variable for kestrel's gender)
This was so good! I enjoyed everything about it—the characters, the dialogue, the pacing, everything was very well done. I really enjoyed playing the MC; while they’re (understandably) ignorant of the supernatural world and what’s happening, they’re not flighty or helpless. That balance is difficult to do well and you wrote it beautifully. I also appreciate the many options you give to the players. I’m looking forward to reading what comes next!
Thank you! I'm so glad you enjoyed it!
loved the update, it was so so amazing :D the Kestrel seems like a mischievous
LokiFae. I'm looking forward to the next update :D take care, stay safe and hydrated, wish you the best for everything <3Thank you, love! Im glad you enjoyed the chapter!
I honestly think you could settle for dialog tags/tone indicators rather than symbols, you have too much. I get symbols for flirt and friendly options but adding in even more symbols for tone of voice gets complicated and confusing.
I appreciate the input ☺️
Wasn't there a 4th romance option? Did they get removed?
No, you may be thinking of a different story. In the description i do mention possibly adding a fourth but nothing concrete.
welp. rowan can step on me. im obsessed
This made me scream laugh lol. Thanks for reading!
This is really interesting so far and I'm excited to see where it goes!
My only little note is that the section at the end of chapter 3 immediately following "Renard answers you only with a quiet, shuddering breath." has such a long wait in between the text and the next button showing up I thought there was some kind of glitch/the demo had abruptly ended.
lol I've heard this complaint a few times. It'll be changed with the next update, promise.
Hi there! Really enjoying the story so far. I found a couple of typos. Where would you like me to report them?
Looking forward to chapter 5!
For typos and errors, you can either post them here if that's easiest for you, you can join us over at this Discord and post them in the bug-report chat, or you can hop over to Patreon and leave a message there. Thank you for reading and I appreciate you taking the time for this : )
I cannot wait for the next chapter but all-in-all I love the whole story so much, it's fun, it's cool and the banter with the RO's is so amusing xD you did amazing!
Sorry if youve answered this before, but will you be updating soon? Or will you post chapter 5 after youve posted six to ur paetron?
I will be updating Chapter 5 as soon as it's finished (we're getting close, I promise). Patreon members (at the second tier I think?) will get it a week early, but I won't make anyone here wait any longer than that.
Thanks! Sorry take ur time, i was just curious. And also u maybe got me obsessed...you're a great writer!
Thank you! I'm really glad you're enjoying it.
Such a good story! I looove when the MC is powerful an strong enough to defend themselves, hate when they're just a damsel in distress... Thank you for the great experience, waiting for the next updates! S2
I'm getting Joel vibes from Carter and I love it
I can see that! Carter's been compared to a few different father-figure characters. A lot of his demeanor and quirks are based on my own dad.
Loving the story but I found an issue. It is possible to get Soft-Locked in the menus if you first go into either the 'Information' or the 'Glossary' tab then immediately go into the other tab. Now when you click 'Return' at the bottom of the screen you will just cycle back and forth between the information and glassary tabs instead of returning to the game.
Huh. Interesting! I'll see if there's a way to fix this.
ETA: So it looks like the return buttons on the bottom will strand you in a loop, but the back arrow at the top of the sidebar still works. You just have to click it multiple times to get you back to start. I'm not sure if there's anyway to make the return function work without borking the code. I'll check it.
When is chapter 5 coming out and how regularly do you update this game?
I've been updating at a good pace, I think. Chapter 5 is a little less than half done. The last couple weeks haven't been as productive as I'd like because I was on a road trip with my sister for two weeks and just got back just for my internet to get borked.
Assuming my internet gets fixed soonish, I'll have a demo of chapter 5 up on the patreon maybe by the end of the week? We will see.
Thank you, have a good day!
You too!
Pls R and MC’s dynamic is so funny. 💀 They barley know each other and they’ve already got that old married couple energy I’m so here for it.
This is pretty good stuff, the story, the love interest and the world building, I love them all
I'm glad to hear it! Thanks for reading.
this was great, that cliffhanger hurt, and I can't wait for future chapters and more of rowans entire personality
Dig the new update, it left me wanting more (in a good way). Overall I feel like the story provides enough new info and intrigue to keep me invested without blasting me with too much to keep track of, looking forward to more!
Thank you so much for making this! It's Soo good! 😊 I needed something new to read and the other interaction fictions I've been reading are finished or uncontinued- I love the characters and how I can blend my personality into the YN's
Loved the update as always!
Glad to hear it!
First of all just finished? the new chapter and cliffhangers like that should be illegal you bastard (っ °Д °;)っ!
But yeah, like the new chapter, can't wait for Fae shenanigans to start :D
A broken variable?(is that what you call it) :
I loaded a save from previous version if that matters
save: https://pixeldrain.com/u/CkqbDUGx
Also few variables in the Info screen
Also you might want to shorten the fade in timer for those lines near the end, i though i reached the end for a while.
Hey thanks for pointing it out! I'll go double check. Sometimes saves don't like new variables when they're added after the fact, so that might be on my end and sometimes I just frick it up lol
As for the timer, yeah I'll look at it. I've had a couple people tell me already that it was too long.
ETA: I'm not quite sure what's going on with the either of the errors. They both work just fine for me. It's possible that I added that first variable to chapter 2 while working on chapter 3, so your save doesn't know what it's looking at. It's not going to break anything long term, it's just going to give you the bare variable.
As for the "NAN" error... yeah, I don't know lol. It might also be because of your save file (variables just don't like to play nice sometimes). Again, it shouldn't break anything long term (I think it's trying to read a variable I ended up taking out of the game but not out of the info tab).
I'm already extremely invested. Putting this on my list of things to follow :D can't wait to see more. Your writing is wonderfully engaging, snappy and funny,
(And some of the formatting impressively cool)
this is amazingg!! I love R alreadyyy<33 keep it upp!!
If we get to keep throwing stuff at R I'm happy
I also want this to be a regular occurance in our relationship with R. No matter what...even if it turns romantic...something will get thrown eventually either because of R's antics or flirting. xD
In fact, R has a personal goal each day to see how many objects he can get MC to throw at him psychically and how quickly said objects get thrown.
Oh absolutely. Carter just has to learn to tune them both out before he gets a migraine
Also, I love your pfp
Thx about the php. They are my OTC.
And yes...true relationship goals. Now I'm just imagining Carter casually at the dinner table, reading the newspaper while antics occur around him and then a toaster goes flying just past the top of his head. Probably mentally cursing himself for ever introducing R and MC to each other. xD
gotta say, I enjoyed what's there to read. Another one to eagerly wait for an update that I'll add to my list.
for some reason carter is very 'hopper from stranger things'-shaped in my mind's eye which becomes a truly hilarious mental image when we learn more about him
also the discord link is expired, how dare you tease us so /j
Who knew they expired? lol I'll get that updated right away. Thanks for pointing it out.
I love MC; the sass is IMMACULATE
Yeah. In theory the responses are supposed to be "Kind" "Grumpy" and "Snark. But they're all just different flavors of snark most of the time lol
As a naturally snarky person...I approve of all three options of flavored snark. xD
Something tells me several more household appliances are going to be sacrificed in the continuation of this quest. Looking forward to finding out. :)
Is it even a quest if at least one blender isn't ruined?
Loved the update ! Chapter 1 and 2 have a really nice flow.
Renard is great as a RO and I found him pretty fun personally ah, ah.
I'm curious to see how his... expensive taste will make him react in their little town. It sounds like more fun is coming !
Let's wait to meet the rest of the cast ~.
R will deal with it mostly with whining.
R: Ugh...why is it so dirty here!?
MC: R...we're literally in the middle of a forest...
lmao Yes. This exactly.
Absolutely loved the update! I am so excited for more 😊
Nice update. Liked Rowan introduction. Also i'm a sucker for pet names so that is nice too!
All the pronouns are wrong.
Chose "woman" in the dream sequence.
https://pixeldrain.com/u/6qajGbgy
More pronoun issues? or is it supposed be like that?
https://pixeldrain.com/u/siviorGc
The pronoun variables dont work in the links. Theres a way to fix it but i noticed it pretty late so i settled for they/them. I'll try to fix it for the next update. Though I do notice one that I missed so I'll fix that too
Loving this!!! (also as Erized said, sad carter ain't a RO but that would've been a lot of DRAMAA LOL (imagine you start seeing romantically the kid you see as your own))
We don't know Zander yet but I bet his kind personality a mask (please please please yes I love those who fake being nice)
Will we choose the gender of the UNKNOWN too?
Will this story have nsfw or it will be just kissing with RO's?
Will we choose our height and all that stuff?
thank you! cant wait for more!
Ah, alas, we'll just have to rely on Carter to be our dad and not our daddy.
Anyway: You'll just have to wait to meet Z lol
You will be able to choose Kestrel's gender, no worries.
I haven't decided quite yet how far things will get intimacy wise. I'd lean toward it being more adult, but at this point I'm not making any promises either way. Odds are this will end up being more of a series of stories so we'll just see how things land
I'm not really sure what other descriptors I'll add for the MC. Probably height at least (if only for the eventual comparison with the LI) and maybe some others.
awesome!
And that's fine... we'll find a daddy on the other Ro's (coz they all older than us lol.. funny is I am same age than MC)
As for the height, even better, lot of us got a height difference taste *ehem*
Just read the second chapter. Not too bad, although I must confess it felt a little bit disjointed/immersion-breaking with the flashback of Carter first meeting the MC just slotted in there (especially as it had no real connection to the scenes before or after). That sort of flashback is much more like something you'd use as the prologue of the story, capturing the readers interest as they're introduced to their MC and left to wonder just who or what their MC really is.
just my opinion, tho.
The flashback was mostly meant to shuffle together a lot of different information that would have been clunky to work into actual dialogue: that Carter was formerly part of MAB, that he's retired from them, and his general opinion/disposition toward them even before meeting the MC.
But I see where you're coming from. I'll keep that in mind in the future. Thanks for leaving a comment and reading!
I have a suggestion about how to make it less 'clunky'.
I think a prologue with a younger Carter arriving on the scene (finding MC), making note of some things and reporting, 'we've got another weird one' and maybe using some MAB-related jargon/supernatural terms that clearly indicates he knows his stuff, as well as showing some distaste or coldness (or however he feels about the MAB) when reporting to that lady, actually adds a lot of intrigue right from the start. We wanna know more.
And this intrigue intensifies if, in the first chapter, an older Carter is acting like a run-of-the mill cop indifferent or clueless to the supernatural, different to how we saw him act in the prologue (now the reader think, 'what? is this the same guy?'). Now MC, being sensitive to such things, may be able to tell that something about Carter just doesn't feel right and never has, but can't pinpoint what is it. Maybe it contributes to MC's unwillingness to trust Carter with certain things, or Carters unwillingness to be too friendly with MC. Or maybe MC is torn between this mistrust & the longing to rely on someone, or find familial comfort, and it's just awkward. This goes on up to the reveal in chapter 2, and can cause some interesting moments between them til then.
I don't really see how it would be clunky to work it in to the conversation when Carter & MC are reunited after the shooting indecent at the house, if anything it makes perfect sense as it works with the progression of the story events. It would make even more sense if MC caught a glimpse of the summoned being back at the house but had no idea wtf it was. Carter seems hesitant to explain at first, mentioned that what he shot at wasn't human. It was a summoning. MC asks him what the hell he's talking about, what is a summoning and how the hell does know such things. Carter sighs, then starts speaking in fluent supernatural terms that no run-of-the-mill cop should know. MC just stares/says wtf/etc. Carter says, 'listen kid, there's a lot you don't know... a lot I haven't told you about me, about who I was and who I used to run with. I planned to to tell you earlier but between cases and you trying to wrap your head around your abilities, and how hard it was for you, it seemed a cruel and unnecessary burden to heap on you. I just kept putting it off, y'know. But I guess this is it.' He gives an abbreviated account of the weird circumstances under which he found MC, and how they weren't the first strange finding he had. MC asks how many others, to which he explains he'd been finding them for years, when he worked for the MAB. Then MC can ask him some questions about MAB that he answers. You can give continued indications of how Carter feels about the bureau ('show, don't tell') in how he speaks about them, words he uses, etc. rather than him straight up saying how he feels about them.
Anyway, just an idea!
Awww man... is literally my response everytime i finish a chapter and there's no next! 😭